The Palestine Herald, Palestine, Texas

Columns

June 1, 2013

LIFE BEHIND THE PINE CURTAIN: A New Wine for Senior Citizens

PALESTINE — EDITOR’S NOTE: Life Behind the Pine Curtain is a series of anecdotes collected and edited by Herald-Press Publisher Gary Connor.

A New Wine for Senior Citizens

East Texas wine producers , a group called Vintners in the Pines, who produce primarily Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. A couple of glasses enjoyed in the early evening will reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night. The new wine will be marketed as Pinot More.

My Living Will

Last night my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent upon some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens just pull the plug.” They got up, unplugged the computer and threw out my wine.

Gun Buy Back

Participating in a gun buy back because you believe that the criminals have too many guns is like getting a vasectomy because you believe that the neighbors have too many kids.

Grandpa and the Checks

All last year Grandpa received a $500 check in the mail every month and naturally, he just cashed them thinking nothing about it. But, as it turned out, an insurance company had made a mistake and sent them to the wrong address. The checks were actually intended for another man with the same name, and so, as one might expect, Grandpa received notice to pay back the $6,000.

Seriously upset, he complained to his grandson, an accountant. His grandson asked, “Grandpa, didn't you wonder why you were receiving checks for doing nothing?"

Grandpa said, "Nope, I jist figgered the Democrats wuz back in power."

Quote for the day

"The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed, lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work instead of living on public assistance."

-Cicero, 55 BC.

So, evidently we've learned “nothing” in the past 2,068 years.

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