The Palestine Herald, Palestine, Texas

December 21, 2013

LIFE BEHIND THE PINE CURTAINS: East Texas confidence cannot be shaken

Palestine Herald-Press

— EDITOR’S NOTE: Life Behind the Pine Curtain is a series of anecdotes collected and edited by Herald-Press Publisher Gary Connor.

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. "Hello, President Obama" a heavily accented East Texas voice said. "This is Jimmy Boy, down here at Billy Bob's Catfish Shack, in East Texas, and I am callin' to tell ya'll that we are officially declaring war on y'all!"

"Well Jimmy Boy," the President replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Jimmy Boy, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Tom, my next-door-neighbor and brother Gerald, and the whole dart team from JD's Bait Shop.

That makes eight or maybe nine depending if Bump can close the store.”

Obama paused. "I must tell you that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Jimmy Boy. "I'll have to call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Jimmy Boy called again. "Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be?" Obama asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and my brother Mike's farm tractor."

President Obama sighed. "But, I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers."

   "Heavenly day,” said Jimmy Boy, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Jimmy Boy called again the next day. "President Obama, I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this war."

“Oh, is that right?" said the President. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

“Well, sir," said Jimmy Boy, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over sweet tea, catfish, hush puppies and pie and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed that many prisoners."