The Palestine Herald, Palestine, Texas

Columns

March 23, 2013

LIFE BEHIND THE PINE CURTAIN: East Texas Front Porch Philosophy

PALESTINE — EDITOR’S NOTE: Life Behind the Pine Curtain is a series of anecdotes collected and edited by Herald-Press Publisher Gary Connor.

 

East Texas Front Porch Philosophy:

• Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

• Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

• There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

• Never miss a good chance to shut up.

• Always drink upstream from the herd.

• If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

• There are three kinds of men: 1. The ones that learn by reading. 2. The few who learn by       observation. 3. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

• Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

• If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

• Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back.

• After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

 

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