The Palestine Herald, Palestine, Texas

December 28, 2013


Palestine Herald-Press

Publisher’s Note: After 16 months of entertaining and amusing Palestine Herald-Press readers, “Life Behind the Pine Curtain” is taking an indefinite hiatus. Taking its place is “The East Texan,” an advice column with a distinctively satirical eccentricity imbued with no small element of colloquial savoir faire. “The East Texan” begins in the Jan. 4 weekend edition of the Herald-Press.

Most of the following sage advice is credited to the Cowboy Philosopher, Will Rogers:

• Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

• There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

• Never miss a good chance to shut up.

• Always drink upstream from the herd.

• If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

• There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to touch the electric fence and find out for themselves.

• Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

• If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.  

• Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

• After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral of this story: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.