The Palestine Herald, Palestine, Texas

Opinion

October 5, 2013

LIFE BEHIND THE PINE CURTAIN: The Laziest Gun in the World

EDITOR’S NOTE: Life Behind the Pine Curtain is a series of anecdotes collected and edited by Herald-Press Publisher Gary Connor.

Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my Stevens 320 right in the doorway. I set 6 shells next to it.  Noticing it had no legs of its own,

I even placed it in my wheelchair to help it get around. I then left it alone and went about my business.

While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign right in front of our house. Then around noon, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there in the wheelchair, right where I had left it. It hadn't rolled itself outside. It certainly hadn't killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented to do so. In fact, it hadn't even loaded itself.

Well you can imagine my surprise, with all the media hype about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people. Either the media is wrong, and it's the misuse of guns by people that kills people, or I'm in possession of the laziest gun in the world.

Alright, well I'm off to check on my spoons. I hear they're making people fat.

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