The Palestine Herald, Palestine, Texas

September 14, 2013

LIFE BEHIND THE PINE CURTAINS: East Texas Home Security System in 3 Easy Steps

Palestine Herald-Press

EDITOR’S NOTE: Life Behind the Pine Curtain is a series of anecdotes collected and edited by Herald-Press Publisher Gary Connor.

East Texas Home Security System in 3 Easy Steps

Step 1- Go to the Goodwill Store and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine.

   Step 2-Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

   Step 3- Leave a note that reads: "Bubba, me and Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and beer. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. Keep an eye out for my python. He got out of his cage on the back porch again. Be right back, Jim Bob.”