The Palestine Herald, Palestine, Texas

Opinion

August 25, 2012

LIFE BEHIND THE PINE CURTAIN: The old pulpwood hauler

An old pulpwood hauler from Slocum drove slowly into town pulling a battered, aged wooden trailer with an equally old, tired mule in it. The old man parked his rig in front of a bar and climbed out of the truck, unloaded his mule and tied the animal to the side of his truck.

Before he headed into the bar he stood there, brushing some of the sawdust from his face and clothes. About that time a young biker who had driven up from Houston stepped out of the bar with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a .40 caliber Glock in the other.

The young biker looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the young biker and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."

A crowd began to gather as the biker grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old pulpwood hauler, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing fit to be tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young biker, still laughing, stuck the Glock in his belt and turned around to go back into the bar.

The old man turned to his mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the East Texas air.

Everyone in the crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young biker heard the sounds, too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.

As the crowd watched, the young biker stared at the old pulpwood hauler and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's behind?"

The young biker swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but, I've always wanted to."

There are a few lessons worth gleaning for us all from this story. Never be arrogant.  Don't waste ammunition. Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are. Always, always make sure you know who has the power.  And, don't mess with old men; they didn't get old by being stupid.

 ———

Behind the Pine Curtains is a series of anedotes compiled and edited by Herald-Press Publisher Gary Connor.

 

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