The Palestine Herald, Palestine, Texas

Opinion

May 11, 2013

Life Behind the Pine Curtain: East Texas Rules of Gun Ownership

EDITOR’S NOTE: Life Behind the Pine Curtain is a series of anecdotes collected and edited by Herald-Press Publisher Gary Connor.



   If you own a gun, you will appreciate this. If not, you should get one and learn how to use it:

1-Guns have only two enemies – rust and politicians.

2-Never let someone or something that threatens you get inside arm’s length.

 3-The average response time of a 911 call is 13 minutes. The response time of a .357 is 1400 feet per second.

   4-In a life and death situation, do something . . . It may be wrong, but do something!

   5-You cannot save the planet, but you may be able to save yourself and your family.

   A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers.  The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him “Why do you carry a 45?”  The Ranger responded, “Because they don’t make the Colt 1911 in a 46 caliber.”

   An old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm.  “Sheriff, I see you have your pistol.  Are you expecting trouble?”  He promptly replied, “No Ma’am.  If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my shotgun.”

   A man was asked by a lady visiting his home if he had a gun in the house?  He said he did.  She said, “Well I certainly hope it isn’t loaded!”  To which he said, “Of course it is loaded; it can’t work without bullets!”  She then asked, “Are you that afraid of someone evil coming into your house?” His reply was, “No, not at all.  I am not afraid of the house catching fire either, but I have fire extinguishers around, and they are all loaded, too.”

   “The Constitution shall never be construed to prevent the people of the United States who are peaceable citizens from keeping their own arms.”  Samuel Adams

 

1
Text Only
Opinion
  • 7-26-simon-slaw.jpg Cooking with Simon: Stomp grapes and eat Texas food

    If you’re picking up the newspaper on Saturday, you still have a chance to come out to Sabor a Pasion and celebrate the grape harvest at the 2nd Annual Charity Grape Stomp.

    July 26, 2014 2 Photos

  • Two decades of storytelling

    For the past 20 years, I have covered everything under the sun while working as community editor at the Palestine Herald-Press. I have covered festivals, banquets, graduations, fires, wrecks, elections, giant vegetables, you name it, I probably wrote about it.

    July 26, 2014

  • At the Movies: 'Begin Again' — Fresh tale creates appeal

    Some people film big pictures.  Others do small pictures.  Writer-director John Carney makes small pictures. 

    July 26, 2014

  • IMG_1373.jpeg COOKING WITH SIMON: Summer produce brings recipe inspiration

    Chefs are always recreating their menus and finding new inspiration for recipes. People ask me how where my new ideas come from and what I do to get inspired. The answer – mowing the lawn – and, by the way, I have a lot of lawn, vineyard and fields to mow.

    July 19, 2014 3 Photos

  • Swiss Chard  & Peach Salad COOKING WITH SIMON: Garden vegetables ready to harvest

    Last month, I was invited to cook for a group of clients at a fishing lodge in Alaska. It was quite an experience – beautiful scenery, amazing salmon, halibut, and great accessibility to some of the best fishing in the world.

    July 12, 2014 1 Photo

  • watermelon COOKING WITH SIMON: Red, white and watermelon

    Happy 4th of July weekend! On every street corner the fruit of Texas is being sold from the back of old trucks and roadside produce stands.

    July 5, 2014 1 Photo

  • COLUMN: Musings about life and the pursuit of happiness

    Yesterday was July 4th, a time we celebrate independence and the truths that all men are created equal and “endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights,” to quote Mr. Jefferson.

    July 5, 2014

  • MOVIE REVIEW: 22 Jump Street

    I should have known better.  Just like “Legally Blonde” and “Dumb and Dumber,” a comedy based on a premise as opposed to one based on truly funny characters merged with a clever situation should never have a sequel.

    July 3, 2014

  • 6-28--SIMON-Lamb-Sliders.jpg Cooking with Simon: Celebrate July 4th with lamb burgers

    Being born in one country and raised in another can bring a bit of confusion to one’s life. And then to find yourself living in a third country as an adult, is one reason this kiwi is all messed up.

    June 28, 2014 1 Photo

  • Editor's Notebook: Kids can create their own summer fun

    Things are so different today than when I was a kid. A recent conversation with my 9-year-old son reinforced my belief.

    June 28, 2014